I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
