I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
