all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
