I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
