when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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