I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
