Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
