I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
a search helicopter?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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