yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
