I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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