im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
