ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
