sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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