My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
