dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
