I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
