I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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