They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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