I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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