O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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