This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
