So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
