so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
