My liver just broke up with me...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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