so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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