You kept calling me your small dog last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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