He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
