Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
His nipple licking is glorious
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