I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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