Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
