sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
