I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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