Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
