So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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