piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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