I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
