Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
