I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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