Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
