I just saw a hot homeless man
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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