I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Found the puke drawer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
