i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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