and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
