I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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