I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
