dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i believe in u and ur pee
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