so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
