yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
