Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
