I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
