around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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