At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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