I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
