there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
