Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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